Ah, motherhood – that pregnancy glow, all the ‘firsts’, waking up to a smiling little face, hearing them call your name, changing the poo nappies, cleaning up vomit, sleepless nights and tantrums in the middle of a shopping centre. As much as motherhood is a gift, it is also sometimes an absolute shit show!
Now, don’t get me wrong, Adrian is my life. He makes us laugh and he brings so much joy into our lives, but when he was a sweet little baby, lying on my chest, vomiting down my shirt – in public. It was no joke.
5 other things no one really warns you about motherhood:
- The surprise floaties in the bath. Poop, I’m talking about poop here. This is probably the worst – funny, but only
until you need to try and figure out how to clean it up… Do you use a sieve? Your hands? Toilet paper? A Tupperware? Well, the easiest way to deal with this is to use a plastic packet, fish it out and empty it into the toilet. Alternatively, you can just drain the bath – which you are going to need to do anyway because your child is going to need a clean bath to avoid getting sick.
- You think walking around the whole day with your panties in your bum is a pain? What about when your baby has a nappie weggie or when their nappie isn’t sitting right and their poop squishes out the side and pours over onto your arm? This is never a pleasant experience and don’t expect any help cleaning it all up.
- The cost of having a child! Okay, you are warned about THE costs of having a child
(education, nappies, food and clothes – occasionally.) What about the cost of the shattered tablet screen? The glasses they break twice, the tablet they break for real, even with the shattered screen and when they decide your DSTV PVR decoder is a little thirsty so they pour flavoured water all over it? The cat is still paying – Adrian threw it in the pool once…
- Basic health care is inevitable but you don’t think of all the emergencies that may arise and as a new mom, you want to drop everything and run to your paediatrician as soon as something seems out the norm. I remember when he had to have surgery once and I had to sleep in a chair next to his crib and the other time when I was working and studying and had to leave classes when he was home sick with a high fever. Not only are there health care costs of having a child but they also heighten your level of alertness and paranoia – costing you your sanity every now and then.
- There is a very proud moment in a mother’s life where their child starts learning new things as well as discovering and exploring the world around them. It isn’t very cute when your child starts pulling the kitchen draws out and using them as stairs to reach things higher up. They get so used to discovering things that they never sit still and you run out of ways to keep your child busy. During the weekends, we had to drive him around town just to keep him entertained and busy – and as any mother will tell you, it eventually put him to sleep. My advice to you would be to open a savings account purely for fuel – along with education funds, nappy funds and emergency funds.
But obviously, through all the poop, vomit and broken everything, I’ll do it all again. I’ll do it 1000 times over (if my hips, womb and bank account could handle it.) Because nothing feels as good as their arms around your neck, their hands reaching for yours during a walk and them calling you ’mommy’.
What are your most memorable experiences of being a parent?